Who needs a t.v. when you have children? 30 Funny Things Kids Have Said

Funny Kids Quotes

  1. A woman told my daughter that she’s cute. My daughter replied: “I’m bad, but I’m BEAUTIFUL!” —ettkh(www.parentsconnect.com)
  2. Every time we turn our AC on it smells like urine in the house. Last night, I asked my husband what could be causing it, and my 5-year-old chimed in from the other room: “Oh, that’s because you keep turning off the bathroom lights at night so I just pee in the vents.” —angelamkelsay(www.parentsconnect.com)
  3. My 4-year-old just said: “Mom, my brain just wants to say baaaaad words!” —Rocas09(www.parentsconnect.com)
  4. My husband was taking a nap while my kids were playing and suddenly my 9-year-old whispered to me, “You need a new husband ’cause this oneis always sleeping!” —mylenecristobal(www.parentsconnect.com)
  5. My son was sitting on my lap and pointed to my chin and said, “1, 2, 3, 4.” I said, “What are you doing?” He said, “Oh, just counting your chins. You have four.” —Erin(www.parentsconnect.com)
  6. My 3-year-old told me this morning: “Mom, you are SERIOUSLY getting on my nerves!”—barneya1 (www.parentsconnect.com)
  7. My 7-year-old excitedly shared a plan to come up with money for a trip to Disney: “You and Dad can work harder and get more money!” —GO_Mommy(www.parentsconnect.com)
  8. Don’t bother putting your hand over my mouth to shut me up. I will lick you.(www.searchquotes.com)
  9. “Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.” (Tom, 5) (suite101.com)
  10. “It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you…that’s why I stopped doing it.” (Jean, 10)(suite101.com)
  11. “It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.” (Kenny, 7) –  when asked is it better to be single or married (suite101.com)
  12. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

    The little girl said, ‘When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah’.
    The teacher asked, ‘What if Jonah went to hell?’
    The little girl replied, ‘Then you ask him’. (http://www.inspirational-e-quotes.com)

  13. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him ‘How do you expect to get into Heaven?’The boy thought it over and said, ‘Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!  (http://www.inspirational-e-quotes.com)
  14. A Sunday school teacher asked her class, “What was Jesus’ mother’s name? One child answered, “Mary.”
    The teacher then asked, “Who knows what Jesus’ father’s name was?
    A little kid said, “Verge.”
    Confused, the teacher asked, “Where did you get that?”
    The kid said, “Well, you know, they’re always talking about Verge n’Mary.” (http://www.inspirational-e-quotes.com)
  15. My 3-year-old daughter came up to me and said “One day when I’m big, I’m going to have big boobies, and I’m gonna shake ’em.” I thought her dad was going to have a heart attack.
    Kandlandl (www.parentsconnect)
  16. My daughter said she was done with school and that she knew everything she needed to know. So I asked her what the capital of Kentucky was. She thought for a minute and then she said the capital of Kentucky is a K. claudia2 (www.parentsconnect.com)
  17. I was opening up a new trash bag when I saw my 4-year-old daughter trying to pick a fight with her brother. I walked over to them (with the garbage bag still in my hand) and my daughter gasped and said, “You’re going to throw me away?!?”Raquel04 (www.parentsconnect.com)
  18. My daughter (3½) came in from outside and noticed that I had swept and mopped her room. She said, “Mommy I am so proud of you! I knew you could do it!”
    Mymaggiebaby(www.parentsconnect.com)
  19. While nursingmy 3-month-old, my 2½-year-old, tired of waiting for her to finish, told me to “put my boob away.”
    nyc_regans(www.parentsconnect.com)
  20. I wore a V-neck shirt on Thursday, and after changing my son’s clothes that morning, he stood up on the bed, looked down my shirt, pointed to my cleavage and asked, “Is that your butt?”
    JulesBerg (www.parentsconnect.com)
  21. We were at dinner at a local restaurant we frequent and after my husband excuses himself from the table, my almost-two-year-old says to the waiter, “My daddy poops a lot” … then starts shaking her head “yes.”
    tryin4aboy (www.parentsconnect.com)
  22. My daughter 2 1/4 regularly says: “Excuse me, I burped from my tooshy”. It kills me every time! emilysmom2007 (www.parentsconnect.com)
  23. While talking to my husband, my 3-year-old interrupted and starting talking, too. I asked her to wait since I could only listen to one person at a time. She said, “but mommy, you have 2 ears!” bugg004 (www.parentsconnect.com)
  24. My 4-year-old was talking about the muscles in her body and when she got to her legs she said “this is my hamstring,” then pointed to the other leg and said “and this is my cheesestring!” !emmas_mummy (www.parentsconnect.com)

Some things that my kids have said:

  • Husband was talking about something that had fallen on his toe: “That nearly cut my toe off!” Zoey “CUT YOUR TOE OFF” Husband “Yes”  Zoey ” You don’t want to do that, that would hurt”
  • Zoey “Daddy did you farted?” real loud at Wal-Mart
  •  Talking about her unicorn pillow pet Zoey ” I really love my horn dog!”
  • We are eating ice cream and Bryson told Husband “I don’t  want anymore because ice cream had sugar and too much sugar can hurt your teeth”
  • Bryson to Carly: “If I was a fork lift I could lift you up by myself!”
  • Zoey ” I think I love you mommy! I am going to give you a hug and not let go!”

 

 

Now you can’t tell me you didn’t laugh at least once while reading these! Entertainment Right!!! So why do you need T.V when  you can just watch  your Kids! I am curious what are some things your kids have said?  

 

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