Divorce is a tough and heartbreaking decision. Questioning the foundations of your marriage and your partner is painful, and even more so if there are others, such as children, involved. Divorce affects the couple but also many people surrounding the couple, and for this reason many women spend months and perhaps years thinking about it but not acting on it. Furthermore, many women still care for their partners and don’t want to hurt them.
The reasons for wanting a divorce are many and varied; you may want a divorce because of infidelity, drinking or drug use, financial and work problems or simply growing apart and out of love.
In any case, the decision to divorce is a very difficult one. However, a marriage does not break down over night. Here are the biggest warning signs that can help you identify whether you are ready for divorce or not.
You Feel Indifference Towards Your Partner
A lack of concern, sympathy or general interest in anything concerning your spouse is a clear sign of a relationship that doesn’t work. If you find yourself completely unaffected and anesthetized in your ability to help or react to your partner and are simply going through the motions, it is a sign that something is probably wrong on a deeper level. However, if you find yourself wanting to help your spouse, you may not be as ready for divorce as you think.
You Feel the Relationship Isn’t Working for You
If your needs are not being met, or you feel as though you are only staying together for the kids, it may be time to end the relationship. Your spouse may be content in the relationship, but a functioning marriage necessarily needs to work for both spouses. Women tend to put their needs behind their husbands’ needs to try to make them happy, especially when children come into the equation. If your gut tells you the relationship isn’t working, it probably isn’t. Be honest with yourself and truly ask yourself if you think it’s worth working through the issues to stay married or if you feel you’d be happier on your own.
You Have No Desire for Intimacy With Your Husband
If the thought of being intimate or even simply cuddling with your husband leaves you indifferent or worse, disgusted, this is a sign that something is really wrong. A loving, healthy relationship is also an intimate relationship. While this alone is not a reason to get divorced, it is a very strong indication of serious trouble in paradise.
Seek Professional Advice
If you are thinking about divorce or you are finally ready to move forward with it, find out what your legal options are. According to divorce attorney Katherine Grier, it is fundamental to protect your best interests in and after the divorce, from the beginning steps of filing a petition to the final resolution of financial and other matters. Knowing what to expect, at least from a legal point of view, can lessen the psychological impact and help you complete the divorce as smoothly as possible.
If, on the other hand, you realize that divorce may not be the ideal course of action, perhaps seeing a therapist as a couple may allow you to work through the issues in your marriage and regain the intimacy and trust you lost.
In any case, make sure you have a mature and honest conversation with your husband. Whether you want a divorce or would prefer therapy sessions, it is essential to sit down with your husband and honestly express your concerns. Your husband may have seen the conversation coming or it might be a complete shock, but talking is important in any case. While it may be difficult, it is the only way to leave unhappiness behind and move forward into a happier, more fulfilling future.